#42 - Clicking Here Will Change Your Life
Coffee Gang; Will Dance for Pants; I Scream, You Scream
Hello, my friends,
It’s about a week from the winter solstice, both the shortest day of the year, and the day after which every other day grows a smidgen longer. It feels like the weather should be bludgeoning us with its cruelty, and yet beyond the cold mornings, Los Angeles has been a paragon of kindness! Just the other day during my lunch break, I walked over to a new middle eastern bakery in our neighborhood and ordered a basterma sandwich (I had no idea what this was when I saw it on the menu, “it’s like prosciutto but with spices,” the guy said. Yes, I’ll have that.). The problem? They had no tables or chairs. No problem! I sat on a barrier in the parking lot eating my sandwich and basking in a sunlight that was like a scalding hot bath after it has cooled for 20 minutes. Usually I read or watch a show during my lunch break, this time I watched nothing at all and listened to the cars passing beside me. It was truly a restful lunch.
Coffee Gang
I own seven different coffee-making tools. The process of using each as the mood strikes is highly enticing. I love the taste of coffee (as well I should because I drink decaf). Even more pleasurable is sitting down with a beautiful cup of coffee and a little cookie or a diced-up fruit in a small plate and spending some time reading an engaging essay, or just thinking about life. The cup itself is important, too. If I use my Aeropress to make the coffee, then it’s a mug, otherwise it’s a smaller cup with a saucer, whenever possible. I see people purchasing venti cups at Starbucks and think, are you insane? That’s 24oz of coffee! I know, I know, they don’t drink it all at once but for comparison, an espresso cup is usually under 3.5oz. It’s too much of a good thing! No wonder so many people have trouble sleeping.
But I digress a little bit. Indeed, Starbucks reminds me that I also love making coffee for others. If you come for a meal at our house, I will make you coffee however you want it. If you come several times, I’ll likely remember how you like it. If money didn’t matter, I’d be very happy running a little coffee stall with some folding tables and chairs and selling Turkish (though in our neighborhood, I’d probably call it Armenian) coffee with a little biscuit for $1.50 a cup like the places in this YouTube channel. There’s a very fine feeling that comes with serving coffee to friends and strangers, and serving in general, to be honest. Maybe I was a butler in a past life?
In any case, another excitement of this week was the cezve (see above) that arrived on Tuesday. A cezve (or the 20 other names it has depending on the country you’re in) is a small copper pot used to make coffee in places like Turkey, Armenia, Lebanon, Greece, Egypt, and surrounding places. The kind of coffee it brews carries a fairly intense flavor — something like a thick espresso — due to it being subjected to a decoction method of brewing (ie the powder-fine coffee is heated directly in the water). For this reason, it is traditionally served in cups that are under 3oz. Similar to the cup measurements for a moka pot, which considers one “cup” to be around 2oz. You see, I get started on coffee, and I’m liable to keep going longer than I need to so I’ll just finish off by asking you to enjoy this family photo:
Will Dance for Pants
Imagine this beginning part as a rant: Every business loudmouth talks about customer loyalty, but how about a company’s loyalty to their customer, huh? How about that? For instance, I hate buying pants. Why? Because every few years when I need new pants, I go to the same stores I went to before and the cut of the pants is totally different. One year they’re squeezing my thighs, the next year my shoes are swallowed by wide bottoms, and the following year they’re half synthetic! This may be great for people who love trends, but I’m a 39-year-old man. The last time I consciously followed clothing trends was when it was lame to wear shorts above the knee…in the 90s!
You know what says company loyalty to me? If I can buy a pair of pants, then go to the same store four years later and buy the exact same pair of pants! Better yet, I don’t even want to go to the store, I want to be able to go online, easily find exactly the same style out of the three or four (not twenty-five) options they have and just click the big ‘ole BUY ME, DADDY button once. When the pants arrive like a week later, I shouldn’t need to try them on…Just unwrap them and hang them in the closet.
Don’t innovate on me, companies, just make the same freaking button-up shirt in numbered sizes in three different cuts (slim jim, classic, and fatboy) out of 100% cotton. Different colors and patterns? Cool by me! But performance fabrics? Fuck off. Special collars? Get bent. Super-duper wrinkle-free coating? Die slow. I will not be updating my wardrobe out of your mid-Autumn lookbook, I’m the Puritan of shirting: I have seven hangers for button-up shirts and I seek new candidates every 2.5-3 years (longer now that I work mostly at home).
The company that promises to keep their wares the same until I die or we all wear space-age body suits, whichever comes first, will get my loyalty. But I swear, if I get an email about some new pre-distressed denim collection, I will show up at the CEOs house with no pants and over-water all the plants! Don’t try me, I practice on my balcony every morning!
I Scream, You Scream
Kids throw tantrums. Sometimes in crowded places. We all hate it, parents, store clerks, bystanders. But if you’re the latter, what’s the right thing to do? Here’s a poll:
You have two Moka pots! One for yourself and one for company. 💕
'I will show up at the CEOs house with no pants and over-water all the plants! Don’t try me, I practice on my balcony every morning!'
Wait... you pee on your plants every morning?