#54 - On Course to a Moon

New Phone Who Dis; Bits and Bobs for Betterment; Flash Fiction: Chicken Day

Hello, my friends,

How about it? It’s the second year of HMF and here we are together! I don’t expect much will change in the near future. I’m still excited about talking to you every week. I did include a piece of flash fiction in this issue and may do that more often. I’ll always label the stories. That way you won’t begin reading a section only to encounter an odd plot told in a stranger’s voice. Also, so it’s easy to skip them if you want. On the other hand, I won’t be labeling the sumo sections so you’ll step a little bit into them before moving ahead 😊. For instance, if I was to write about the recent bullying scandal that caused sumo giant Hakuseiho’s retirement, I wouldn’t pre-warn you. Alas, there really isn’t anything for me to say about it other than it’s disappointing.

I have the opposite feeling about my friend Jean Colonomos publishing her first full-length book of poetry earlier this month! I read Jean’s chapbook, Art Farm, a few years ago and felt her poetry contained a unique undercurrent of wit that made it special. Needless to say, when I heard about Jean’s new book (thank you, Jenni!), I ordered it right away. My copy of Living the Dream arrived yesterday and am looking forward to reading it! Coincidentally, my library hold of Mary Oliver’s collected poems, Sentiment, also arrived yesterday so I have plenty of excellent poetry ahead of me. Other than the odd poem here and there I’ve never really read Mary Oliver. I’m fairly certain you’ll be reading more about both poets in HMF in the next few weeks.

“Still Life: Skull and Writing Quill” (1628) by Pieter Claesz

New Phone Who Dis

Honestly, my old phone (a Pixel 3a purchased in 2019) was still fine except for its rapidly-deteriorating battery; leaving it unplugged for any length of time was turning into a hassle. Common sense would say, why buy a whole new phone? Just change the one problem part! No, no, says Big Phone, we will not make that easy for Mr/s Consumer. And really, do phone companies make anything easy? (Even switching to Verizon was a pain)

There are some companies (Fairphone, Pine Store, Teracube) and phones (like the Nokia G22) that focus on making their devices easy to repair and sustainable, but each involves compromises big (not available in the US, so have to move to Europe) or small (must use one of a handful of carriers that are not Verizon, old-ish operating system). But I remain on the lookout for a phone that I can keep for ten years because I can repair it or upgrade the hardware myself.

As it is, I “upgraded” to a Pixel 7a. A phone that is four years newer than my previous model (2019 vs. 2023). My expectation was that it would be noticeably better but I’m mildly affronted to say that it isn’t. The size is almost identical (a good thing), the speed is technically faster but not in a mind-boggling way, the camera may be technologically superior though my naked eye can’t tell, and the operating systems are relatively similar (Android 12 vs. Android 14). The price on the new phone, I’m glad to say, will be less expensive than the previous one thanks to the Google’s willingness to let me trade-in my 3a. Still, it’s weird that four years of progress doesn’t demonstrate much difference for an average phone user like me.

By contrast, I recently received a new phone for work. It was a shift from an ancient (2017) Samsung to a super-fresh one. This high-end model (as opposed to the budget models of my personal life) is clearly in a different class than any phone I’ve had. First of all, it’s bigger — like a little TV! — second, it’s blazing fast. Checking my email and Teams now takes seconds instead of minutes. Third, it has an embarrassing number camera bubbles on the back, a “…200 MP wide sensor, two 10 MP telephoto sensors and a 12 MP ultrawide sensor” which is wild when I compare it to my first digital camera which had a cool 3 MP total! I don’t take too many photos with my work phone but when I do, I’m going to assume that the camera is so good, it will improve on reality.

Buying new technology (and clothing) always comes with the dream that it will change our lives for the better. Occasionally it does, but most of the time it simply let's us keep on with what we were already doing. Unless the dream is to change phones to the latest-and-greatest. In that case, a Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra would be a good bet if you have around $1300 laying around.

“Aphrodisiac Telephone” (1936-38) by Salvador Dali

Bits and Bobs for Betterment

It sounds self-righteous to say that buying things like clothes and phones doesn’t bring me contentment. After all, there are folks out there who can’t afford either of those luxuries. But if I’m being totally straightforward, isn’t it also self-righteous to criticize in that way? Each of our power of acquisition exists in relation to other people; I’m able to afford items some people can’t, and there are plenty of those that are wealthier. Should the latter be barred from saying that buying a yacht isn’t their ultimate fantasy because we can’t afford one? It’s dubious logic and also a little boring.

Instead, I’ll tell you a few minor things that swing above their weight in terms of improving my existence:

• Giving our balcony a makeover with simple wooden tiles from Ikea.

• Friend of HMF, Isaac, recently gifted Michael The Skull: A Tyrolean Folktale by Jon Klassen, a chapter book. Over the weekend, Michael and I lounged on the couch and read the entire thing. Reading with the kids brings me joy.

• Sitting in a hot bath with nothing but a single candle lighting the room.

• Hugs. I like hugs a lot.

• 72°…The perfect indoor temperature due to its invisibility — neither hot nor cold. Wear a t-shirt, no shirt, light sweater, all good. Our place seems to stay fairly close to 72 most of the year with only minor pushes from the HVAC.

• Making coffee for myself and others. Drinking it is pretty good, too.

• Short hair. Not for the style. I just like being able to dry my head quickly.

• Writing.

“Monk with Candle” (1834) by Vasily Tropinin

Flash Fiction: Chicken Day

I was sitting at the bar of my favorite restaurant when a familiar man walked in and sat down in a large booth. I didn't recognize him at first, but as I sipped my Scotch it came to me. His bald head, broad shoulders and freakishly large mouth gave it away. It was City Council candidate, Grant Carbone. 

Ricardo, the waiter, came over to confer with him and as he was about to go, I caught Carbone slipping a bill discretely into Ricardo's palm. The waiter nodded knowingly. "I understand, Mr. Carbone," I heard him say,"you will not be interrupted."

A bottle of wine appeared. Single glass. Carbone cracked his impressive knuckles. Moments later, I had to look twice to believe what Ricardo was bringing to that man's table: A whole roasted chicken! 

Carbone glared at the bird as he had glared at fellow candidate Dexter Lamb during their recent debate. Loosening his tie, he began to carve. The drumsticks went first with Carbone greedily sucking off the meat. 

Gaining momentum, he moved on to the wings, ferociously severing each from the trunk and stuffing them down his gullet. What was I witnessing here?

I ordered another drink.

Carbone removed his jacket and started on the breast in a way that demonstrated his extensive experience demolishing poultry. Carbone's face was flushed from exertion. I was sweating, too. 

The whole spectacle was absolutely barbaric. Pausing midway to rip off his tie only heightened the effect. No one could have avoided being riveted by the dynamic force of his jaw muscles crushing what was left of once-sizeable fowl. Even the odd bone didn't seem to faze him.

I watched the grizzly scene for two hours, until his plate was empty. Yes, readers, City Council candidate Grant Carbone single-handedly ate an entire chicken before my eyes. What a beast!

While I would hesitate to leave him alone with small animals or children, Grant Cardone is exactly what we need for our town. We at The Tribune heartily endorse him for City Council.

“Self Portrait with a Chicken and a Rooster” (1924) by Boris Grigoriev

Time Machine

As a reminder to myself and those who joined HMF later in the first year, I’m going to conclude each newsletter with a recap of last year’s sections. So here’s what I wrote about in HMF #1:

• Visiting Japan for Lunch: My favorite shows on NHK World-Japan, which I often watch during my lunch breaks.

• Baby See, Baby Do: A recap of what 17-month old Sophie was up to.

• A Study in Pink: Recalling being tickled by a post about pink Oxford Cotton Button-Down (OCBD) shirts in a Facebook group I belong to.