Okay, well, I know better than to engage on issues of masculinity, femininity and gender online, even though it's been a lifelong area of study. But I will say that I definitely have a competence fetish. I don't care how attractive a man is, if he's not good at what he does, I have no interest (and being good at being pretty does not count). And as you know, I have a particular thing for creative geniuses....
I don't know if this is true because I'm skeptical of easy conclusions linked to evolutionary psychology, but a "competence fetish" (which if an apt name) sounds like a useful evolutionary trait. What would ensure survival better than aligning with a partner who is generally good at things?
I agree. Being a proponent of evolutionary psychology because it passes every common sense and logical test I'm aware of, I tend to think this isn't a fetish so much as a built in survival thing that perhaps some of us are more aware of or have a heightened response to, but that everyone who seeks out a male partner has.
Of course, there are particular competencies that resonate more with me, as is probably the case for others. I tend to be most drawn to creative/artistic competence over, say,, someone who knows how to play the stock market. More's the pity... now that would be a survival benefit.
First of all, I expressly forbid you from making admission to the 'man club' dependent on anything involving cooking. It is pretty much my area of greatest life incompetency!
I have sometimes found the search for a specifically male identity puzzling. Why the need to define oneself apart from women? Why not have an identity as a human being? But then I am not typically male, more a Strange Creature of the Forest. From that perspective, aspiring to be human is challenging enough!
The 'Cinematherapy' series of videos is really great, where they discuss movies as they relate to personal psychology.
In this one, they praise Aragorn in 'The Lord of the Rings' as combining traditionally masculine virtues - courage, strength, resourcefulness - with sensitivity and tenderness, instead of with the 'toxic masculine' qualities of domination, sexism etc.
I suspect that categorization is a human trait that allows us to make sense of the world and breaking specific qualities down along gender lines is just a tiny example of us trying to figure out how to be ourselves and act towards each other. As more people feel comfortable expressing themselves as Strange Creatures of the Forest, maybe categories will become less important and, perhaps, we'll look at each other more as individuals than representatives of imperfectly-defined groups. It'll mean that people will have to go slow with each other, remain sensitive, and willing to forgive missteps. Probably we can do it.
Okay, well, I know better than to engage on issues of masculinity, femininity and gender online, even though it's been a lifelong area of study. But I will say that I definitely have a competence fetish. I don't care how attractive a man is, if he's not good at what he does, I have no interest (and being good at being pretty does not count). And as you know, I have a particular thing for creative geniuses....
I don't know if this is true because I'm skeptical of easy conclusions linked to evolutionary psychology, but a "competence fetish" (which if an apt name) sounds like a useful evolutionary trait. What would ensure survival better than aligning with a partner who is generally good at things?
I agree. Being a proponent of evolutionary psychology because it passes every common sense and logical test I'm aware of, I tend to think this isn't a fetish so much as a built in survival thing that perhaps some of us are more aware of or have a heightened response to, but that everyone who seeks out a male partner has.
Of course, there are particular competencies that resonate more with me, as is probably the case for others. I tend to be most drawn to creative/artistic competence over, say,, someone who knows how to play the stock market. More's the pity... now that would be a survival benefit.
The heart wants what it wants. Is that explainable by evolutionary psychology?
The heart is only explainable in the realms of the mystical, which is above the paygrade of evolutionary psychology.
First of all, I expressly forbid you from making admission to the 'man club' dependent on anything involving cooking. It is pretty much my area of greatest life incompetency!
I have sometimes found the search for a specifically male identity puzzling. Why the need to define oneself apart from women? Why not have an identity as a human being? But then I am not typically male, more a Strange Creature of the Forest. From that perspective, aspiring to be human is challenging enough!
The 'Cinematherapy' series of videos is really great, where they discuss movies as they relate to personal psychology.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv_KAnY5XNQ
In this one, they praise Aragorn in 'The Lord of the Rings' as combining traditionally masculine virtues - courage, strength, resourcefulness - with sensitivity and tenderness, instead of with the 'toxic masculine' qualities of domination, sexism etc.
I suspect that categorization is a human trait that allows us to make sense of the world and breaking specific qualities down along gender lines is just a tiny example of us trying to figure out how to be ourselves and act towards each other. As more people feel comfortable expressing themselves as Strange Creatures of the Forest, maybe categories will become less important and, perhaps, we'll look at each other more as individuals than representatives of imperfectly-defined groups. It'll mean that people will have to go slow with each other, remain sensitive, and willing to forgive missteps. Probably we can do it.