#48 - Oh No and Yikes! He's Talking About God!
What is God?; All the Lonely People
Hello, my friends,
I neglected to mention it last week, but the sumo tournament start on Sunday so we’re a week in now. It’s going well except one of my favorites, Takakeisho, withdrew due to a neck injury. The recovery prospects for sumo wrestlers is precarious, not only are they expected to appear at six two-week tournaments a year, but also travel around Japan doing exhibition matches, fan events, and press junkets. Aside from the workload, wrestlers tend to be very heavy which is all the more notable in Takakeisho’s case because he’s relatively short (5’9”). Some injuries are heal easier — one can refrain from using an ankle, arm, or shoulder when not in the ring, but Takakeisho has probably been plagued with his neck injury for over a year, entering tournaments against sound medical advice in order to maintain his rank (Ozeki, one lower than the ultimate Yokozuna rank); had he taken the proper time to rest, he would’ve have been demoted all the way down and would have had to push his way back up. Some have suggested that, at 27, Takakeisho might retire from a sport he has been single-mindedly pursuing since the third grade. If he and his stablemaster come to that decision, I for one, would respect it. It seems likely that his high-rank will allow Takakeisho to remain in the sumo world as a trainer or some other type of official. Whenever the time comes, sooner or later, for ‘Keisho to lose his topknot, he will stand out in my memory for his explosive pushing, unflappable calm, and tenacity (at least for the first 10-15 seconds of a match). The nostalgia will be all the more since he was a favorite during my days as a new sumo fan along with other now-retired rikishi, Hakuho, Tochinoshin, and Ishiura.
Okay, enough sumo talk, now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
What is God?
Such a question! Do you think I have an answer for you? Absolutely not. I’ll even go so far as to say that anyone who acts like they know for sure is not to be trusted! Even reading the bible, it’s hard to get a bead on what God is, he (He? They?) manifests in so many ways that to get a specific sense of what exactly the deity consists of, looks like, and what the nature of her agency is seems all but impossible. I know one thing, I have a tough time with the idea of a personal god — the concept of the big guy in the sky who takes interest enough in my life to disapprove of my less savory behavior ( carrying a wallet outdoors on Saturdays, for instance), or cares a hoot about the outcome of football matches, or the money-making aptitude of the holy rollers devoted to the prosperity gospel. I mean, just humans in general; most of us are pretty disgusting and I’m not even talking about people who like glitter (I’m serious, glitter was created by the devil to entice us with it’s shine). Logically, would an all-knowing, all-seeing, time-folding entity need this long to sample us before scraping the whole thing and starting over with a new model? I’m couching this in amusing repartee, it really makes no sense at all!
You know what makes less sense? Me saying a blessing after I poop or when I wake up. Or my learning how to read Hebrew just so I can say more prayers and blessings. It’s all ludicrous! And yet it’s how I’m spending some of this limited time here. Maybe there’s one person out there with a thin pious smile nodding along because I’m learning my way into heaven. But they’re wrong. This is not the reason I’m studying… It’s not that I don’t believe in heaven, but that I don’t care about it. I’m actively unconcerned about an afterlife and will not act differently now in order to get on St. Peter’s VIP list. Really, that’s my feeling about metaphysics in general — it’s fascinating to think about and even discuss but I don’t take it too seriously because we can’t know the truth of it. I think the idea of a personal God gets folded in there somewhere.
So what’s left then when it comes to a higher power? There are categories upon categories of possibility. Entire libraries are devoted to speculations about the exact nature of God and they might all be true! But I have my own conception of God in which I believe: For me, God is the existence of a perfect sense. By that I mean that there are immutable laws that govern the entire universe from ants to aliens and not only do these laws exist, but they can be known! Not by you or me or anyone alive today but theoretically, with the combination of time and ingenuity, a conscious being (human or not) can become the literal master of their fate. The belief in the fact that there is an overarching sense to the universe and not nonsense (not even in black holes) is, to me, the crux of faith, and the entirety of that sense, that is God.
Thus, my edging towards a religious practice can be explained in two points: One is that it is a way to explore and remain connected to the faith in an orderly universe. It’s humorous, sure, but you wouldn’t believe the gratitude I feel every day to whatever process gave humans openings so we could poop. So when I say the Asher Yatzer blessing out loud, in Hebrew, it is not totally random. It’s a reminder I give myself that It is, stay with me here, not totally random. Every prayer and blessing is such a reminder. I’m not certain, but I suspect that there is something uniquely special about always holding onto a tiny thread between us and the idea that we are part of an immense, perfectly functioning, world.
The second point can hardly expect to top that pronouncement but it’s equally important to me. It is that while I have had interest in other religions, my explorations are now focused more on Judaism not because it explains things better (it explains things well enough and I’m fond of the Talmudic arguments) but because that is my background. So aside from being an ethical guide, my Judaism serves as a constant self-reflection both present and historical. The first point is spiritual, the second one is personal.
If you’ve read this far (like 750 words in), thank you for reading something I’ve long considered getting down in words. Like roughly half of the stuff on HMF, I wonder (and mostly doubt) whether it’s interesting to anyone but me (for an example, I humbly refer you to my intro about sumo). Some of the topics are ones that provide potential for controversy: Nudity, masculinity, Israeli-Palestinian conflict, religion, to give some examples. My idea in writing about them is not to kick up sand but to unscroll opinions that bounce around in my head without a place to land. My worry, to be more honest, is not the controversy but of the potential to express myself in a way that would alienate readers. By its nature, taking an explicit stand on something screams to someone that disagrees:“I’m not like you, I’m not like you!” and since as humans we’re all homophiliacs who are instinctively drawn to things that are like us, especially things with opinions we share, there’s always a potential risk of someone deciding that we are too different to be friends.
It follows then, that when I say thank you for reading, my gratitude extends beyond the act of following the letters with your eyes and taking in their message but to sticking with me whether you agree with my words or not. Most especially if you disagree, you hold me in high enough regard that you’ll stay at the party even if you don’t like the punch. That means a lot to me. Thank you!
All the Lonely People
Let me take you on a gallery tour of alienation:
Your two points on religion make me think of Stephen Colbert: At some interview on one show or another, he mentions that he has a profound sense of gratitude, and he feels compelled to direct that sense to somewhere (or Someone). Religion does that for him. Also, when he decided to explore Christianity again in his 20s, he started with the tradition he grew up with and knew best, Catholicism. The parallels jumped out to me.
I adore the Degas.