#68 - Two Things I Just Can't Understand (and a story)
DRMeh; Free Your Mind; Flash Fiction: Trust Only in Yourself; Time Machine
Hello, my friends,
Yesterday, Michael went to his second Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) class and the first thing he did when he walked onto the mat was to challenge every one of the line of kids sitting against the wall. Like, literally, “Me and you, let’s go…” to each of them individually. Michael is five, all of these kids are…older. They were all friendly to him, of course, but man, Michael has yet to learn schoolyard rules. On the other hand, may we all have the chutzpah to show up as total beginners and challenge the world to a wrestling match!
DRMeh (pronounced D R Meh)
Here’s what happens enough these days that I’m driven to write about it. I have a copy of a book, this time it was 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. A physical book I bought new at a bookstore at full price. I really like this book and also want to buy an ebook edition of it so I can refer to it on my phone (or read it using my ereader). Just to be clear, I want to buy a whole new copy of this book at full price and I would do it, too, if the ebook ecosystem wasn’t so off-putting. I’m not even talking about Amazon who has their own ebook file type that won’t work unless you have their app or devices. Amazon is a known entity, I don’t deal with them for ebooks.
I choose to get my ebooks in the epub format. Epub is an open format that is readable on numerous devices and in many apps. It’s an industry standard and has been around since 2007. Because it’s a relatively uncomplicated file type, it’s also future-proof, meaning that chances are very good that I’ll be able to read my ebook collection on practically any computer, phone, or ereader I buy now or in twenty years. Most books — at least ones that are generally in circulation — are available as epub files. That’s great! Except that many publishers have made the process of accessing these files a senseless and draconian annoyance.
To wit, when I went to ebooks.com to buy my copy of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I learned that I wouldn’t be able to use at after I paid my money. First, I would have to download, install, and make an account with Adobe Digital Editions or a selection of two mobile apps and run my book file through these apps before anything readable would appear. What the heck is this mess? Well, it’s called Digital Rights Management (DRM), in order to (presumably?) curtail piracy, the publishers need to verify that I’ve actually purchased a legitimate copy of the book I just, moments ago, paid for. It’s essentially a needless inconvenience that makes purchasing ebooks a giant hassle and as well as a privacy overreach.
The worst thing about it is that despite these idiotic measures, getting a pirated ebook without paying anyone is so, so easy! Nearly any ebook available on Amazon or ebooks.com is minutes away from my downloads folder. I choose not to go that route because I want to support the authors and publishers; I’m a reader, what they do is important to me and I want to give them my money in exchange for the value they provide to me. But what’s happening is that I, who want to legitimately and legally pay for a product, am being penalized by a shitty customer service experience.
Here’s how it was supposed to work: I go to ebooks.com, find 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, pay for it, download the file, and read it on the phone in the bathtub. What actually happens: I go to ebooks.com, find 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, learn that I need to go through a ridiculous process in order to get it, and DON’T BUY IT. This has happened multiple times! The University of Chicago Press gives away a free ebook to members of their mailing list every month. Sometimes I’m interested in the book but I DON’T GET IT because it requires me to go through a DRM process in order to access it. A book they are giving away for free needs to be protected from piracy. How does this make any sense whatsoever?
This is not a new topic, of course, just another example of big companies totally misunderstanding the nature of the internet.
Free Your Mind
Here’s something else I don’t understand: People’s obsession with free stuff.
Part of my job is going to outreach events — resource fairs, open houses at schools, community gatherings of all sorts — to share information about the library, sign folks up for library cards, and sometimes even provide a fun activity. Just like all the other exhibitors at these events, we usually have a table on which we put flyers and small tchotchkes with the library logo we give away. They’re often simple things like pens, little notebooks, magnifying bookmarks, nothing of very much quality or value. We buy these things for upwards of $0.25 a piece. All the other tables are jam-packed with these items as well.
Too many people will show up at the event, with their own bag or grab a tote from one of the tables and go hog wild loading up on cheap doodads. The question I really want to ask: Madam, why do you need ten pens with different County department names on them? Sir, this is your fifth key chain with a non-profits logo. How many keys do you have? Sir and madam, I see that you have come over here and have grabbed this object on my table without even looking up at me and saying hello. Do you know what it is?
And it hurts me to tell you this, dear reader, but sometimes they do not know what the object is! A few weeks ago I had some earbuds to give away. They were packaged in little plastic square boxes with only a piece of the earbuds visible from the top beneath a library logo. Several people came over, picked up the boxes, began to put them into their bags, and hesitated before asking “What are these?” It’s hard for me not to get exaggerated at this point but I will not write this in all caps (even though I really want to): These people are so craven for free stuff that they are snatching up items before knowing what they are getting! They are putting themselves up for a mildly disappointing surprise, I guess. But a surprise it is. After all, it could be rat poison…It could be used q-tip…it could be a horcrux! Then again, some people would literally put their greedy mitts on an object imbued with part of a person’s soul and bring it home. It could be a very bad person’s soul! “But it’s free, so…uh…can I have another one for my brother?”
FICTION ALERT: What you read in the next section is pure fantasy bearing no deliberate or accidental relation to any person, place, or thing in our shared reality. Whatever that is.
Flash Fiction: Trust Only in Yourself
Captain Verdugo's face was pained as he turned away from his private screen. "I wish I hadn't seen that," he said.
Chief of Security Balter shrugged almost imperceptibly. "I can take care of it myself, if you wish. Keep you out of it."
"No," the Captain steeled himself, "no, I need to make this decision. We're still a young colony and it's too early for there to be secrets between us."
"Yes, Sir," Balter said, mildly.
"Damn…" the Captain trailed off.
"Sir?"
"Damn, I said…I've known Wilson for more than half my life. We came through boot together." The Captain pauses, "Do you think his wife knows?"
"As far as we know, his wife and daughter are out if it. But we've only watched him. We can set something up for the bedroom."
The Captain looks up sharply, "You know surveilling people's private quarters is against the Charter."
"Yes, Sir," Balter said, "I didn't think you would…Never mind, just offering options."
"No, we need to deal directly with Wilson. But how? His wife and everyone else will find out soon enough. The ship's colony is only 125 families...Damn it all, I respect Linda too much to just let the whole thing drop on her unexpectedly. And Arya is just about to turn twelve. What a way to celebrate a birthday!"
"Should we secure the explosive caches, Sir?"
"Yes, right away. But have your people be very careful. Wilson is the type to have them triggered against tampering."
"Immediately, Sir," Balter said, withdrawing.
I need a way to square this up with Wilson, Captain Verdugo thought. This wasn't part of the plan. Wilson as an anti-trekker, or maybe an anarchist, is hard to fathom. It didn't show up on any of the psych evals, and he has never brought up any dissatisfaction with the Great Voyages. And Balter, he's right at the edge of morality with this surveillance obsession, but he's been beyond reproach when it comes to Wilson. Ah, the life of a captain -- trust only in yourself.
The Captain's eyes traveled up the wall of his office and stopped suddenly.
A few hours later, Science Officer Wilson was brought into the Captain's office. Balter closed the door, and remained standing solidly next to it. Before Wilson made it to a chair, Captain Verdugo motioned him to his private screen planting himself between Balter and Wilson. This would have to timed perfectly, the Captain thought.
Wilson peered into the screen and came back up immediately.
"Captain, I can explain…"
"Of course you can, " Balter broke in, making eye contact with the Captain, who nodded, "but it's still quarantine for you." The Chief of Security moved quickly past the Captain drawing his hypo as he went, but before he could reach Wilson, his body stiffened and he fell limp beside the Captain's chair.
"You thought you were a goner for sure, didn't you Wilson?" Captain Verdugo asked, chuckling.
Wilson looked up from Balter's inert body, shaking his head. "I'd expect no less from you, Manny. But how?"
The Captain pointed at a small sticker on the back of Balter's neck. "Paralysis patch. Managed to slap that sucker on just before he reached you. He's still conscious, you know. Just can't talk. He'll come out of it alright, right into a court martial. And to think, he might've outmaneuvered us both had I not seen that…"
The Captain points to the wall to the right of his desk. Wilson looks intently at nothing, squints, and then goes back to the Captain.
"A surveillance pin! Just barely visible because of the light reflecting off it. Such a singular error…not considering the angle of the room's lighting."
"Correct, " The Captain confirms. And tapping Balter with his foot: "I told you it was too early for secrets. Of course, I didn't mean my counter-espionage man here." He added, motioning to Wilson.
"You were doing your job a little too well, Mr. Balter." Wilson said casually before getting serious, "who do we test next?"
Time Machine
Here’s what I wrote in HMF a year ago (in issue #15):
Kinnu Learn?: A short intro to microlearning inspired by trying the Kinnu app.
Hello, My Books!: Expressing gratitude for the return of some of my books, which were kindly stored by my friend Cherry while we moved.
This dewdrop world: A small selection of Issa’s haiku involving dew, inspired by seeing dew drops on leaves in our courtyard.
Great read!
I didn't know you'd taken a job as Captain of an off-world colony!
Oh, wait...